The Aching Heart

It’s Five Minute Friday when we join up with The Gypsy Mama and write for five minutes.LisaJo says,”Around here we write for five minutes flat on Fridays.

We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to finger paint. For joy in the process. No matter how messy the result.

Got five minutes? Come and write with us, we promise to tell you we loved it!

Join us on her blog, The Gypsy Mama.

This time I thought long and hard about posting, but in the end, well, here it is:

The Aching Heart

It’s been five and a half years since he left. Five and a half years, you’d think I’d have a handle on this living alone thing. You’d think, my heart wouldn’t still ache. But it does.

Most days I do ok. I’ve learned to watch out for those days that will be sure to bring remembered pain. The day he was diagnosed. The day we quit going to the doctor. The day we called hospice. The day the angels came for him. His birthday, just days after his death.  The bittersweet of our only granddaughter’s birth, days after his birthday. Those days I plan for, those days I expect the ache.

It’s these other days. The ones that slam into me without warning that blow me off my feet.

Maybe it’s because it’s stock show season, he was an ag teacher, we practically lived at stock shows. It could have been the news that one of his former students is now the father of a boy who is also showing, the news didn’t seem to faze me at the time. Possibly it’s a picture on Facebook of our friends, Joe and Shelly, and their daughter, with her winning animal. As I looked at the picture of the young lady I remember when she was born, and the fun she and my husband had together as she grew.

None of these things seemed to bother me at the time, but now, days later the ache has returned. It threatens to take over. It won’t, the love will stomp it out, but for now, it’s here.

Stop.

That’s it. Come and join us, tell us about your ache. Good aches, bad aches, funny aches, we’d love to hear. Leave a comment if you play so I can go read your take on this five minute writing.

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4 thoughts on “The Aching Heart

  1. BethinNC

    I’m crying because I remember when my parents were diagnosed. I also remember when we decided to stop going to the doctor. I remember calling Hospice and having the hospital bed delivered for my Mom. Both of my parents are close to going home, so I feel the pain.

    I CANNOT imagine losing my spouse though. God bless you as you continue to press through on the especially difficult days. I pray you’ll feel His strength.

    Bless you.

    Reply
  2. Laura

    Oh. I haven’t lost one this dear to me but I imagine the ache and want to feel it with you. Thank you for writing such precious thoughts.

    Reply

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